Same Name?

It has taken four years to finally do it and as of Thursday I officially changed my name. Now, why has it taken me so long to change my name after marriage? Well, there's a lot of factors that has caused me to pause on taking that step. 

In the days after first getting married I kept my name on Facebook the same. I figured that I hadn't officially changed my name so why change it on Facebook? The next day after our wedding I logged on to see the congratulations rolling in from both sides of our families. I had made a comment and someone from his side said, "Hey Ashley, time to change that last name!" 

Without a thought I changed it- but not for long. My new name didn't feel like... me. And then I started thinking about why women are supposed to change their names anymore, why it's just expected to do so without a thought. Here, I had lived with this name for 23 years and suddenly my identity is null and void and I'm this new person just because we got married? I had gone through school with this name, accumulated credit with this name, and earned my degree with this name. I felt tied to it. It flows well. 

I have often asked Russ throughout our marriage if I should change my name and if it bothers him if I don't. His usual answer is, "It's your name, do what you want." But, I've often wondered if he says that because he knows I'm too stubborn to change my mind anyway and he just wants to go with the flow or if he really doesn't care. I have thought deep down that he's probably wanted me to take his name but he will not ever clearly say it so. 

And I do understand the other side of the coin about name changing- maybe you have hated your last name because it's always mispronounced or misspelled constantly. Maybe you really like his last name and you want to come together as a united couple and start your marriage that way. That's fine. I'm not trying to preach to women to go the exact route I did- I just want us all to have a choice in the matter. I want all women to think about it before just mindlessly changing it because that's what you're supposed to do. 

I almost did just that until I stopped and questioned, "Wait---- why?" 

For the last few years I've toyed with three ideas: hyphenating, making 'Wright' my new middle name and 'Cook' my new last name (but I love my middle name already!), or just taking 'Cook' as a last name and going along with tradition. 

I have been using Wright-Cook on Facebook since I got married, more or less toying with living with it forever. I even have a gmail account with that name. I've been testing it out for a few years but something happened this week that ultimately made me decide.

I was in a published interview with my truck graphics company and they referred to me as Ashley Wright-Cook from my gmail address. That's it, my mind was made! I loved the way my new name sounded and how well our last names flow together. I'm paying respect to my old name as well as acknowledging my new life with Russ- it's a perfect blend of my old and new lives. 

So I sat in the Social Security office for over an hour to get the ball rolling on finally changing my name. 

Some people might think that hyphenating is just some PC BS and completely stupid for bucking tradition. To them I say, I don't care. It's my name and my choice. I'm the one that has to live with this name, how about you mind your own business? 

Disclaimer: I'm not telling anyone what to do- do what you want. 

Don't Tell Me To Smile

"C'mon now, gimme a smile! It'll brighten my day!"

Some days you're just pumping gas. And then some days you're expected to look up from your task and give a strange man a smile because he so requested and it would make his day all the better. 

This happened the other day on our way down to our food truck builders when I stopped for gas. The machine at the pump wasn't working so I had to go inside to pay and when I exited, a large SUV pulled up near my vehicle and just parked while blocking multiple spots. I went about my business, got the gas pumping and stood there facing away and feeling eyes on me. 

Men, we know when we're being ogled. We can feel your eyes burn into us, we're not oblivious. 

So, I resolved to just not look over and as I'm tightening the gas cap the bearded, middle aged man behind the wheel of the SUV slowly creeps past my line of sight with his window down and says,

"Hi, how are you?"

"Good..."

"C'mon now, gimme a smile! It'll brighten my day!"

And right before I could automatically curl my lips into a smile I had a quick realization. No, I won't smile for you. I don't have to smile for you. Why do I have to do anything for you? You're a stranger. You have absolutely no business with what I do with my face. 

Will it really brighten your day if I smile my feminine smile at you? Well, too damn bad. I guess you're due to have a rotten day, sir. 

"No thanks, I'm good," I raised my eyebrows and gave a sarcastic thumbs up as he retreated in defeat, still pleading with me to smile as he drove off. 

I am not saying that I am at all unwilling to smile. I have what is technically called BRF (or Bitchy Resting Face). It's a "problem" that has been getting more and more attention as of late thanks to classic "sufferers" like Kristen Stewart. 

I've been told for years, "When I first met you, I thought you were snobby!" or "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

I'm not mad, this is just how my face looks! But there's one thing that BRF has in common with the smile-incident: men are the only ones who have told me to smile. I have never heard a woman tell a man or a man tell another man to smile.

I don't concern myself with stranger's moods and have never told someone I've never talked to in my life to smile. To be blunt, telling a woman to smile is a misogynistic act. If you want a woman to smile that badly, do something to make her smile like make a genuine (not creepy) compliment. This isn't to dissuade people from engaging with others in public, but we need to engage each other in ways that don't make the other uncomfortable. 

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And a side note: To be honest, I've grown to love my bitchy resting face! It keeps those kiosk people in the mall from talking to me because I think I scare them! It used to really bother me that my face looked unhappy in moments of non-emotion but I've learned to embrace it. I can't change it and it makes me feel kind of like a bad ass.

Happy Things

Things Are Making Me Happy Right Now:

1.) After sitting in my Netflix queue for a while I decided to dive into "Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23" at about 11:30 pm. Bad idea because I stayed up well past 3 am watching episodes. But, I regret nothing! That show is awesomely hilarious and I'm so sad there's only two seasons. Still, definitely worth a watch.

2.) My new cell phone case that's really floral and girly. I normally don't gravitate toward those kind of things but the color makes me happy. And, it was only a few bucks!

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3.) Our new little shop vac that we got at Walmart a while back. I hadn't used it yet but then the other day I broke it out of the box and I wanted to VACUUM ALL THE THINGS! It's been great for spring cleaning. 

It's almost the same as this one:

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4.) My lightweight Old Navy hoodies. It's been the perfect temperature to wear them and I've been in them almost constantly (and as I'm typing this).

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5.) One of my favorite shows in the world is Parks & Recreation but I only recently picked up this book (the main character, Leslie Knope, writes a book in the show). I love it... but it always makes me crave waffles! (If you don't know the show you might think that's weird.) 

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6.) And goofy little deployment/Navy things I find on Pinterest that make me laugh. 

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This one is funny because I almost really suggested that! I'm sure he'd love to spend more time on a boat after being gone for months on end.

I sent this last one to him the other day and his reply was something like, "That's exactly how it is!"

Offbeat Post: Places I've Been

Every once and a while I like to look back and think about the places I've visited in my life and how lucky I am to have experienced them. 

Since being with Russ I've visited Chicago, Pensacola, Florida, Washington D.C., Virginia Beach, Virginia, Charleston, South Carolina, Charlotte, North Carolina, and Savannah, Georgia. And now, I live minutes from Seattle! I've also gotten to live in four different states and visit both Mexico and Canada. I feel so lucky to have gotten to visit those places when a lot of people have never even stepped outside the state they were born in. 

When I visited Chicago, I was so excited to see Russ graduate from boot camp and get to spend time with him in one of the biggest and most interesting cities in the country. We went to the Navy Pier and the Sears (now Willis) Tower and got to experience The Most Awesome Pizza I Will Ever Eat at Gino's. 

When we moved to Virginia I got to visit the Old South in Georgia and feel the history of D.C. I got to watch the sun rise over the Atlantic Ocean.

And now, I've been to the famous Pike Place Market and the Space Needle more times than I can count. 

It always makes me feel happy and content to reflect on all the places I've been and things I've done, like I'm moving forward rather than just staying stationary. It's like I'm getting new stamps in my passport of life. 

I've got a ton more exploring to do: San Francisco, Portland, Vancouver, and maybe a cruise somewhere are next on my list. What better way to spend life than exploring different places?