Thursday, February 7, 2013

Blast From My Blogging Past

Today I thought I'd share a little something from one of my other blogs that is still floating around the interwebs. Maybe one day I'll link to it, probably not, or everyone will figure out how mean I am. It was a blog where I poured out my angry Walmart-cashiering heart to and I had a lot of fun writing it (though I hated where I got my blogging material).

Here's the story of one of my more interesting Walmart cashiering stories. It is titled "Dead Toilet Lady":

Something strange happened to me at work yesterday.  I went to the bathroom at the back of the store before going on my lunch hour and there was a woman who was in the first stall who was in there for the entire time I was.  I didn't hear her making any noises or anything while I was in the stall so it surprised me when I went to wash my hands that someone was in the bathroom.  I noticed her rather large legs were stuffed into pink, polka dot flat shoes and she wasn't wearing long pants (which was odd because it's been pretty chilly outside).  I shrugged it off and figured if I were trapped in the Walmart bathroom and feeling sick that I would want to be left alone.

Fast-forward through my lunch hour and I clocked back in and went into the same bathroom to wash my hands.  The pink, polka dot feet were still in the first stall!  An entire HOUR had passed and the woman was still on the toilet!!  Instead of wondering, "Jeez, I wonder what she ate," I began to wonder, "Oh my god, is this lady dead?!"  Maybe it was my overactive writer's imagination but I figured there was no other explanation for a person sitting on the toilet for over an hour other than they died in the stall.

I was horrified and as I toweled my hands dry, I intently studied her feet for any sort of movement.  It was from this intense study did I notice how disgustingly veiny this woman's legs and feet were.  They were also a gray color which added evidence to my "Dead Toilet Lady" theory.  Two other associates entered and I made the observation quietly to them.  When I said, "She's been here AN HOUR!!!" in a forceful whisper, they were clearly as surprised and terrified as I was.   They joined in and studied her feet as well,

"I think I saw her foot move!" the one turned to me.  The other associate (one of the women who I constantly feel bad for because she's the bathroom attendant, now that's a job I would hate more than cashiering) just looked at me wide-eyed.  She was probably picturing what sort of mess this defecating woman could possibly create in the span of an hour.  I was satisfied enough that the associate had seen the foot move and I left to return to my register.  However, I did report it to one of my customer service managers.  But, for the next two hours until my last break I wondered intently if the woman would still be there and vowed to check when my break rolled around.

At a quarter to six I raced back to the bathroom, almost hoping the woman would still be there.   As strange as it sounds, my heart sank when I burst into the bathroom and discovered the first stall was vacant of any pink, polka dot flats and gray, ashy legs.  I had been secretly hoping that this woman in the Walmart bathroom would have become a real life Harry Potter's Moaning Myrtle (for anyone that hasn't read HP, Moaning Myrtle died in the girl's bathroom and haunted it... though, not from extremely long defecation).

I know it would have been a terrible place to die: the Walmart bathroom.  But I couldn't help but imagine a group of paramedics racing through the store toward the bathroom to retrieve the body.  The bathroom would have been roped off and everyone would have later avoided that bathroom because "some lady died in there!"  It would have been the subject of late-night TV jokes and would have been in the newspaper.  It would have been interesting.... 

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